HUMOUR WEEK 2015!
by Snavej
Summary: So Humour Week begins! Prompts as follows: Monday - It's the kiss cam, Tuesday - Dancing, Wednesday - Song, Thursday - Face paint, Friday - Uh-oh. Basically, I will attempt - and fail - to make you all laugh!
1. It's the kiss cam!

Lin was not entirely sure how he came to be at the basketball game. He detested the sport, despite being very good at it in school many years ago.

And yet, here he was, sat watching a basketball game.

He had only two consolations. The first, that Madoka - who he privately believed responsible for this debacle - was sitting next to him.

The second was that Noll had been dragged to this tort- game too. But Noll, whether through some madness or genius, had brought a case file along and was desperately trying to read it.

Why was the second a consolation?

Because Noll was failing epically.

Lin watched with a wry smile as Mai tugged on his ward's arm enthusiastically as the team they were supposedly supporting scored. Yet Noll did not throw Mai off as he would have done anyone else.

Bless. Noll thought he was being so subtle. Yet to Lin it was blindingly obvious that Noll harboured feelings for young Mai.

Besides Mai, Yasuhara was cheering just as enthusiastically as Mai. Lin watched as Yasuhara looked around at his friends with a smile that was all too smug. What was he planning?

Lin narrowed his eyes slightly before looking to Noll's other side, where Houshou and Ayako were bickering under the cover of the cheering crowd. Lin sighed. Would they ever stop?

Probably not.

A whistle blew and a klaxon sounded. The game came to an stop.

"Is it the end?" Lin asked, trying to hide the hope in his voice.

"Nah, just half time," Madoka answered. Lin sighed. "Do you want a drink?"

"Sure."

Lin sighed again and continued to watch Noll trying to read as people filed past him.

Eventually Madoka returned and handed Lin an over-sweetened fizzy drink which he drank one sip of before screwing his face up at the artificial flavour.

Then a fanfare sounded. Lin looked up to the screens.

 **It's the kiss cam!** read across the top of the screen.

Lin groaned and looked to Madoka, who was grinning at Yasuhara. They were definitely up to something.

Somehow, Lin knew what was going to happen before it did. It wasn't any sort of psychic reckoning. Just a hunch that was all too much like something Yasuhara and Madoka would plan.

The camera swivelled round as Lin watched the screen and settled on Mai and Noll. Obviously.

Mai went predictably bright red. Noll glanced at the screen and then back down at his papers.

Lin knew Noll would not partake in something like the kiss cam.

He watched Mai's face fall.

Crap.

Then Yasuhara - realising the problem - threw himself across both Mai and Noll and grabbed Houshou by the lapels. Before Houshou realised what was happening, Yasuhara had kissed him in full view of the camera and thus drawing attention away from Noll and Mai.

"Get off me boy!" Houshou squealed.

"But I love you Bou-san!" Yasuhara cried dramatically.

"I don't care!" Houshou muttered as he tried to pry Yasuhara off him.

"You can't deny the feelings between us!" Yasuhara continued as he swooned slightly.

"Boy, the camera is no longer on us, you can cut it out!"

"There was a camera?" Yasuhara said, grinning as he returned to his own seat.

Nothing more was said until they were all leaving. Houshou pulled Yasuhara behind a little.

"Thanks for covering up there with Mai and Naru-bou," he muttered. "Though you didn't have to go quite so far with it."

"Covering?" Yasuhara asked innocently. "Who said I was covering for anything?"

He grinned at Houshou's shocked face, then slapped the older man's butt before skipping after the others.

Houshou just gaped after him.

"Damn you, boy."

* * *

 **Author's note: So when it says Humour Week, I am literally aiming for you to giggle, snigger, do that slight half laughing cough thing when something almost makes you laugh but doesn't really.**

 **Humour is really hard. So I commend anyone who takes on this challenges and manages to make people laugh!**

 **Please review - and tell me if you laughed in any way at all!**


	2. Dancing

"Is it in here?" Lin demanded as he practically flew into the kitchen. Madoka looked around at her husband and laughed.

"No, _she_ isn't in here," she said. "Himeko is a person Lin."

"That thing is the devil reincarnated," Lin muttered darkly. "Spawn of evil itself hidden in the body of-"

"An utterly adorable and well behaved six year old," Madoka finished.

Lin scoffed.

"Uncle Lin? Where have you gone?" an innocent voice called.

Lin hurriedly turned to Madoka and silently begged her to stay quiet.

"He's in here sweetie!" Madoka shouted. Lin scoffed. "You look just like Noll when you do that," she commented as a dark haired six year old girl ran into the kitchen.

"Uncle Lin? Why did you run away? We have to do your makeup next!"

Himeko took Lin's hand and dragged him from the kitchen. He attempted to use his full height and weight to prevent this from happening but Himeko used PK to help him along in the direction she desired.

Lin heard Madoka laugh behind him.

He knew full well that he could, with the aid of his shiki, take down the demon but thought it would be a little harsh on a six year old.

And Mai might kill him.

And Noll would definitely kill him.

He sighed and let the devil-child drag him to the living room. He was forced to sit down and allow Himeko to prod his face with makeup.

" _It reminds me of when Gene and Noll were young,"_ Madoka said from the doorway in Chinese. English and Japanese were out of the question as the spawn of Satan would understand.

" _They were not this bad,"_ Lin replied.

"It's rude to talk in another language about me when I'm right here," Himeko said with a scowl. "Mummy said so."

"Who said we were talking about you?" Lin asked.

"Gene does," Himeko said, nodding her head to the corner.

"Gene should keep his mouth shut," Lin muttered darkly.

"What do you think Auntie Madoka?" Himeko asked, ignoring Lin.

"Beautiful," Madoka said. "I think I'll have to take a picture!" She hurried off to find a camera.

" _Don't you dare!"_ Lin shouted after her.

"Stand up," Himeko ordered. "You have to dance now!"

"What?"

Lin felt his body pushed upwards to a standing position.

"You're so old! You can't hear me when I shout or stand up when I ask! How old are you? A hundred? A hundred and one?"

Lin's mouth opened and closed incredulously.

He was so shocked that he didn't even protest as the evil creature began spinning him around. He heard the sound of a camera shutter.

Maybe this was hell? Maybe he had died and gone to hell and this was his punishment for some deed he had committed.

" _When are they picking it up_?" he asked Madoka as Himeko continued to swirl around to some unheard tune.

" _Soon enough. But it is their wedding anniversary, they deserve an evening alone!"_

"And I want a sibling," Himeko added, as if she'd understood the entire conversation. "Mummy said that babies happen when two people love each other and they make it together in top secret and then it grows in a mummy's tummy til it's ready. Is that true? But she wouldn't explain what the secret was to making one. Uncle Lin, do you know the secret to making babies? Will you explain?"

If Lin hadn't already been covered in blusher, everyone else would have seen just how red his face was.

"Madoka, maybe you should..."

But when he looked around, Madoka had gone and left him with the demon spawn.

"Don't you know?"

"Well," he began, stalling for time. "Its umm... Complicated."

"Would it be easier if you showed me?"

"What?!"

"Well Mummy always shows me how to do things because it's easier than trying to explain. Like drawing a new kanji or something. Can you show me how to make a baby?"

Lin's eyes widened in fear.

"Well I can't," he stammered. "I don't have anyone to show you with, maybe you should ask your parents."

"But you love Auntie Madoka, don't you? Can't you show me with her?"

"Well, um..."

"Don't you love Auntie Madoka?" Himeko asked. Their 'dance' ended as Himeko stared up at Lin.

"Of course I do but-"

"Noll and Mai are here!" Madoka called.

Lin sighed in relief as Himeko ran off. His shoulders sagged until he heard the voice of that little demon talking to the Devil himself.

"Daddy! Lin doesn't know how to make babies!"

"Really?" Noll replied.

"Yeah! He wouldn't show me how and I think its cos he doesn't know, maybe you should teach him!"

"Maybe I will," he said.

Lin wiped his face clean of the makeup, took a deep breath and walked into the hallway.

"I hear you failed to educate my daughter?" Noll prompted with a smirk.

Lin replied with a glare.

But the demon spawn and family left soon enough, leaving Lin exhausted on the sofa.

"That monster has Noll wrapped around her little finger."

Madoka just laughed.

* * *

"Lin, come here," Noll called.

"What is it?" Lin said as he appeared in the doorway.

"Here," Noll said as he held out a book. Lin took it and read the title: **Where Babies Come From.** "Himeko found it and thought it might help you."

* * *

 **Author's note: Well personally I feel this one went a lot better!**

 **I hope you all think so too!**

 **I think I've learnt that I should stick to dirty/inappropriate humour as its the only thing I can sort of do...**

 **Ah well!**

 **Enjoy :)**


	3. Song

Lin did not often get ill. He prided himself on keeping his body fit and healthy.

But he had now been ill for almost a week and it only seemed to be getting worse. Madoka had taken away his laptop, so he couldn't work to distract his mind from the aches and pains of his illness. She insisted he needed to 'rest'.

It had begun with a runny nose and diarrhoea. It had progressed to a cough and headaches. And now finally constipation.

Now that would be bad enough, but Madoka had chosen to 'help' him by talking to him through the bathroom door. Which in itself was quite disconcerting and ever so slightly creepy.

Lin loved Madoka very much, but her current attempts at 'helpful' tips were driving him slightly insane.

"Just pretend you're having a baby," Madoka suggested. "Remember when Mai had Himeko?"

"Vividly."

"Well try and recreate that!"

"I really don't think that's going to help," Lin muttered.

"Or that time I got that spot and I squeezed it. Do that, but with your butt."

"Really? You really think images of pus filled spots and slimy newborns is going to help?" Lin asked. He sank his head into his hands and desperately wished he had his phone. He could have texted for so someone to take Madoka away from the door. Like the police.

"Well I was just trying to help," Madoka replied innocently. "I'll just leave you be then shall I?"

"Please," Lin said and sighed in relief as he heard Madoka's footsteps down the hall. "Thank the heavens..."

All was quiet bar the ticking of the clock in the hallway.

Until...

"Let it go! Let it go! You can't hold it any more!" Madoka sung from outside the door. Lin tensed in annoyance. But then-

Plop.

"I hate you," Lin said with a scowl.

"Love you too dear," Madoka said. He heard her walk away, singing. "For the first in forever, you were able to poop!"

Lin didn't dare reply.

* * *

 **Author's note: So today I learnt that I have no heart (I killed a few people in my other story - oops!) and that my sense of humour is extremely childish.**

 **The weirdest thing is that I wrote this on the Tokyo Metro this morning on the way to language class, and then at lunchtime me and a friend went to the loo and she sang this to me completely by coincidence... *creepy***

 **Ah well!**

 **Please review :)**


	4. Face paint

Lin was fully supportive of gay rights. If two men wanted to screw each other, then he had no issue with it at all.

What he did have an issue with was Madoka dragging him to a protest in support of gay rights and plastering him in face paint. Partially because he hated loud crowded places, but mostly because he detested face paint.

He wasn't even sure exactly how she had managed to coerce him into the activity, especially when Noll had somehow managed to get out of the debacle. Git.

He went a long with the whole thing, grumbling as he went, until Madoka declared they could go home.

Madoka cooked them dinner and once Lin had eaten, he washed his face free of the paint and headed straight to bed, his head was still pounding with the chant.

The next morning, Lin woke up late. He rushed to get ready for work and headed out without having eaten. By 'late' he meant he might possibly arrive after Mai. If this occurred, Noll had threatened to dock his pay.

Lin didn't really think Noll would do it, but he didn't dare test this so early in the morning.

Fortunately Mai was not there when he arrived.

"You're late," Noll stated as Lin brought him the post.

"Madoka," Lin replied by way of an explanation. Noll looked up and stared for a moment before smirking. Lin dismissed this and returned to his office.

Half an hour later, Mai turned up and made tea for everyone. She delivered a cup to his desk and taped at him.

"Are you alright?" Mai asked with genuine concern.

"Of course," Lin said, frowning a little.

She continued to frown as she left. Lin heard her talking to someone, Noll presumably, but he put it out of his mind. He would leave those two oblivious lovebirds to flirt.

Only when he got home did he realise what Mai had been so concerned about and Noll had smirked at.

His face was bright, puffy red.

"Face paint," he muttered darkly.

"What happened to you?" Madoka asked innocently as he entered the kitchen.

Lin just glared at her.

* * *

 **Author's note: So I'm not so sure about this one. Ah well. I tried!**

 **Please review!**


	5. Uh oh

" _Uh oh_." The sound escaped Lin's lips without his permission. He glanced around but they were definitely gone. He stood amongst the display of beds and sighed.

He had turned his back for all of two seconds and the twins had disappeared in the vast expanses of IKEA. He pulled out his mobile with the thought of phoning Luella and Martin, but how could he admit he had just lost their newly adopted twins?

He pocketed the phone and looked around again.

They couldn't be that hard to find, right?

There were a lot of families in this section, all looking at the kids beds and other furniture. But there was no sign of the black haired twin boys.

Right, he thought, what were they wearing? Both had had the same blue jeans and scuffed white trainers. Lin frowned. Had Gene been wearing the blue t-shirt? And Noll in the green?

He wasn't sure. He couldn't tell them apart unless they spoke and Lin wasn't honestly all that interested in what two eight year old boys had to say. He was eighteen years old; he was teaching them to control their abilities not becoming their friends.

He sighed heavily and began walking, searching around for either of them.

Then a flash of blue appeared in his peripheral vision. He turned towards it.

"Gene?" Lin called out. It was Gene right? Eugh, who cared?

He walked towards where the flash of blue was going. But a voice behind him caused him to stop.

"Yes Lin?"

Gene was standing behind him, wearing the blue t-shirt he thought he had seen heading the other way. The boy was smiling innocently. Too innocently.

"Come here and call your brother, we have to stay together like your parents said."

And the boy's demeanour changed like he had been doused in cold water. It was like he had changed into the other twin.

"They aren't out real parents."

Lin honestly didn't know what to say to that.

"Well, we should still-" Lin began, but the twin - whichever one he was - interrupted him.

"Look! There's Noll!" He'd changed persona again.

Lin automatically looked around and spotted a short black haired boy wearing a blue t-shirt. What? But when he turned back to grab hold of the first twin, the boy was gone.

" _Damn_ ," Lin muttered.

He started towards where he had seen the second black haired boy, but that one too had disappeared.

* * *

 _Are you sure he's heading this way?_ Gene asked his brother.

 _Of course I am,_ Noll replied. He rolled his eyes before continuing to watch the teenager. Lin was definitely beginning to panic.

Good, Noll thought, serves Lin right for turning up, declaring he hated Japanese people and then expected for them to listen to what he had to say.

Noll watched Gene run in front of Lin and out of sight, then he stepped out from behind the wardrobe.

"Lin, have you seen Gene?" he asked.

"Gene? Aren't you...? Yes, I thought I saw him this way."

Noll could barely contain the smirk growing inside him, Lin was definitely getting confused.

"Lets go then!" Noll said with Gene's grin, but instead of going the way Lin pointed, he ran in the opposite direction. He heard Lin swear behind him, but Noll was a lot more nimble than Lin and soon lost him in the maze of furniture.

 _Your turn,_ Noll thought to Gene.

* * *

Lin was slightly ashamed of how long it took him to realise they were winding him up. Not long after this, he realised something else.

He could have used his shiki to find the little brats. So maybe that wasn't technically in his contracts with his shiki, but they were nice enough to help him out.

Lin wasn't about to be bested by a pair of eight years old, no matter how bright they were.

One of the twins was found quickly by one of Lin's shiki.

 _He can see me,_ the shiki told him.

"Gene," Lin said confidently and he swooped down, picked up the boy and threw him over his shoulder - fireman's lift style. Gene fought for a moment, but quickly realised that Lin was a lot stronger than he was.

 _He caught me,_ Gene told Noll. _He used his shiki._

 _And how am I supposed to counter them? I can't see them_ , Noll muttered back.

 _Well I've only spotted two,_ Gene relayed. _Just hide better._

Noll sighed. His brother was useless. Hide better? How do you hide against something you can't see?

Well if their plan was to get Lin in trouble, there was only one option.

To hide in plain sight.

 _I have a plan,_ Noll messaged Gene with a smirk. _Be me._

And with that, he walked into the middle of the nearest path and burst into tears.

* * *

" _Damn_ ," Lin muttered as he felt his phone vibrating. He pulled it out and held it to the ear that wasn't covered by Gene's limp body.

"Where are you? Do you have Noll?" Martin's voice said. He didn't sound angry persay…

"I have Gene," Lin replied with a slight frown.

"No, you must have Noll, Gene is here and bawling his eyes out because you left him on his own. Really Lin? I know these boys are mature, but they are eight years old and in a strange country. I thought you'd be more responsible."

"I'm sorry. Where are you?"

"By the customer service desk, meet us here." Martin hung up.

"You and your brother are gits," Lin said. "I know you are Gene."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Gene said in Noll's aloof manner.

Lin rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"What are you doing to him?" Luella demanded as Lin appeared. "Put him down."

"He kept running off," Lin tried to explain as he deposited Gene on the floor. "They both ran off."

"They're children, Lin, what do you expect?"

"For them not to play tricks on me when I am trying to help them," Lin muttered.

"What do you mean?" Martin asked with a frown. Lin pointed to the two boys.

"You didn't notice? One of them changed shirts," he said. "They were trying to get me in trouble."

The two parents turned on the twins and glared down at them. But the twins ignored them. It would have been plain to see from anyone's point of view that they were having a furious but entirely silent argument over who had forgotten to change shirts.

Lin smirked, he had gotten the last laugh.

* * *

 **Author's note: So someone pointed out I'd been picking on Lin and it's true. It was a conscious decision! But I did want to to give him a chance to win at least once. I don't think this one is laugh out loud funny, but perhaps amusing in its concept. Ah well. I hope you enjoyed it anyway!**

 **The next themed week is...**

 **ANGST WEEK!**

 **YAY! I'm not excited at all. Honest. I am. I am so excited. I have plans around. MWAH HA HA HA!**

 **Please check out the forum for full details! I hope you all participate! Let's make the fandom cry :D**

 **Please review :)**


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